Friday, November 18, 2005

Calling a do-over

Ever been at a loss for a comeback, only to have the perfect one dawn on you an hour too late? I can't count how many times I find myself shouting a retort 90 minutes after the fact, but instead of directing it at some sneering jerk, I'm saying it to a mirror, dashboard, cat, etc.

I therefore present the do-over. All those within the sound of my voice, heed this call. From this day forward, post your late comeback here and all is forgiven. Reading the late comeback on the NaturalBlog shall now be the conversational equivalent of delivering it right on time, because, duh, a blog is timeless.

I'll get us started. A few weeks ago in Healdsburg, Calif., my girlfriend -- pursuant to her hobby of picking fights with strangers after drinking -- shot a dirty look at some woman in a minivan who was mindlessly backing out of a parking spot and into our path in a grocery store lot.

The woman was easily 300 lbs, had hair like straw, and sat atop her driver seat like Jabba the Hut, minus the hookah. She circled back around the lot and shouted at me as I wheeled the shopping cart back toward the store.

What she said: "Tell your girl that she better watch it!"

What I said: "Yeah, okay." What?!!!?!? I know eight-year-olds who can do better.

What I should have said: "Aren't you people supposed to be jolly?"


Blogger PNog said...

Yes! The do-over! Even better when used in a dispute. How many times did I realize too late (not just excellent comebacks) but the perfect reply to the contested logic of my argument. You know how people can twist words around and confuse you, leave you speechless while you try to figure out what they said, only to take advantage of it to walk away claiming "victory"? Yeah...well not anymore thanks to the Natural Do-over.

November 18, 2005  
Anonymous Kevin said...

One time Matt O'Dette asked me where I put the hour 1 CD, and I said "You shut up, Matt. I hate you!"

I thought that was pretty clever.

November 18, 2005  
Anonymous Jerry said...

"Fat chance" would have been a good response. But all is not lost. Just file this zinger away. The next time a 300-lb. woman who looks like Jabba the Hut and has hair like straw insults your girlfriend, use it. In fact, you can file away all of your missed opportunities for use at other times. The problem is, you might get mixed up and, confusing this situation for one in which your girlfriend was insulted by a skinny woman, say something like, "Slim chance," which would make no sense. Of course, the chances are slim that this situation will ever arise again. But if it does, maybe your girlfriend will know what to say.

November 19, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you know, there is a term in French for "not coming up with the right thing to say in time;" it's great: esprit de l'escalier

if ya'll wanted a mini French lesson....


November 21, 2005  

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