Saturday, December 03, 2005

Some bathroom humor

Today, NaturalBlog addresses the most pressing bathroom etiquitte questions of our time.

Toilet paper set-up. This is a no brainer. Toilet paper begs to be set up so that the free sheets come down on the outside. Anyone who puts a roll on as illustrated on the right is a barbarian, not fit to be using an inside toilet, but asking to be banished to an outdoor loo, with a little half-moon on the door.

To read or not to read. Only if you must, but remember the lesson from Seinfeld. Anything you take in there is tainted. Forever.

And finally the granddaddy of them all. Toilet seat up or down. (I told you I was tackling the most vexing issues facing humanity today.) This will almost certainly brand me as a traitor to my gender, but I have to say the toilet seat belongs down, at least in a household where the number of men and women is equal. However, tip the balance of power in the household to two men and one woman, and that's enough to necessitate the toilet seat being up. I arrive at this conclusion after a complicated set of calculations based on the likelihood the toilet user will want the seat up or down. If you download that spreadsheet, you'll see that three men and two women is enough to push the seat down.

Well, there you go. Let it never be said that I don't give a crap about this log.

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4 Comments:

Anonymous Pn said...

I almost spit my hot beverage out all over my kepboard when I clicked on your calculations.

December 05, 2005  
Anonymous Pn said...

KEYboard! KEY...board

December 05, 2005  
Anonymous not Pn...or anything... said...

Having ONCE been part of the 'free sheet on the inside club', I feel obligated to explain the reasoning behind it. The free sheet on the inside, if too much freeness has been rolled out, is easier to roll back with a swift batting down of the hand. Rolls right up again, preventing clogs and conserving at least one Charmin tree each year.

December 06, 2005  
Anonymous Meredyth R. said...

I was going to send a link of this to my roommates to solve our unspoken but simmering disagreement over which way the toilet paper should roll (I'm on your side, Dave, and the side of the gods) but after running our numbers through the seat up-down calculator, I figured it would be in my best interest to let this one sit.

December 06, 2005  

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