The NaturalGift

 
We are all endowed with a natural gift. For some it is to create sculpture from clay. For others it is to make the written word dance before your eyes. For NaturalBlog, it is to pick the slowest checkout line at a retailer.

I have possessed this incredible ability my entire life. Just the other day at the Stop & Shop, I get into an express lane, then spied the fella ahead of me, with glasses like bottle-bottoms and a cigarette tucked behind his ear. This guy was trouble, so I tried to outsmart the NaturalGift and I got into another line. Little did I know that the mustachioed lady at register 12 would have not one but two half chickens ring up at $25.49 instead of $7.54, necessitating a price check of epic proportion. NaturalGift 1, NaturalBlog 0. That day, anyway. Over my lifetime the score is more like 745,328 to 0.

My gift knows no bounds. At Fenway Park, people lap me in the beer line. The customers ahead of me at Target always want to open a store charge. Even when I'm the only customer -- say, at a dry cleaner -- the NaturalGift rears its ugly head, maybe in the form of a pen that won't write, or as a lack of proper change in the register.

I've had hours and hours of waiting in line to try and figure out how to profit from this gift, only to come up empty every time. So I offer this altruistic advice: If you see me in your line, choose another.