Now the News

It's been a while since I've done a news roundup. This either means the news has been less funny, or I have been more lazy.

Life imitating art imitating life. The commander of the Atlantis space shuttle mission to repair the Hubble space telescope is formerly a stunt pilot. He's Scott Altman of Pekin, Ill. You might recognize his middle finger, which had a cameo in Top Gun when Tom Cruise was "keeping up foreign relations" with the Russian MiG. That's right. Tom Cruise does his own stunts but won't give someone the finger. Crazy Scientologist.

Justice is blind, big-breasted. Britain's largest clothing retailer, Marks & Spencer, has admitted a decision to charge women more for larger bras was a bust. There was a $3 surcharge for bras sized DD or larger, but the company gave the idea the heave ho after 14,000 women complained. Justice was obviously served here. I can't help but remember when former Attorney General John Ashcroft ordered the boobs on the statue of justice covered at a press conference.