This week's news, real and imagined

In other news...

All the pain of junior high, but without the school bus rides. Some web site lets you create an online profile, and based on how attractive and cool you are other people can buy and sell you. The hotter you are and the more desirable your friends, the more expensive you become. This is like a cross between 7th grade homeroom, Ebay, and prostitution.

No additional joke needed. Psychics have joined the search for Vivi, the whippet who went missing after the Westminster Dog Show in New York City last week. The psychics report that the dog is alive, and somewhere warm. Whippet poo was spotted near a heated cargo building. I am not making this up.