And now a word from our sponsors

Perhaps because my attention span runs about 30 seconds at most, I regard commercials as some of the best entertainment on TV. Yes there are clunkers, but pound for pound they pack more entertainment than 22-minutes of drivel and canned laughs.

Not only do I have favorites ("Wake up with the King"), but I like to keep track of commercial actors, and make up a back story that links together how they ended up in their different ads.

Take for instance David Spade's pudgy friend from the Capital One ads. A lovable foil for an actor past his prime, indeed. And a tragic figure too because he's not earning a decent wage. How do I know? Not only did he have to take a second job for Hillside Farms hawking free samples at a supermarket, but then he had to rent a nicer car for his 10-year high school reunion in an Enterprise ad.

Wonder why the woman in a recent Southwest ad looked so awkward in a smooch session on her boyfriend's couch? Because she's MARRIED, that's why -- in the State Farm ad where she and her husband have to get rid of a bunch of stuff when they move in together. (He got to keep his insurance, but she made him throw out his life-size alien doll.) Her husband should dump her, then go to the dump to get his alien back. Or maybe he already has. This same woman turned up in a Filene's ad, married to someone else and with a kid. What a tramp.

The overly suggestive woman from the overstock.com ads all but guaranteed herself the O when she bought her husband a Lexus for Christmas in an ad that just started airing. Funny thing is, in the Lexus ad she's surfing the web for golf clubs when she comes up with the idea of buying him a Lex. I'm surprised the ad firm would do this, since she's so recognizable as the pitchwoman for an online company. Will thousands of people go to their computers in the hope of buying a discount Lexus? In case you were wondering, Lexuses are not available on overstock.com, at least as of this writing.

But wait there's more. The patron saint of my game is this guy (linked and pictured because he's so awesome). You must've seen him -- he's everywhere. Drinks Bud Light, dresses like a French maid. Concerned dad, shops at Circuit City. He has since left that office job at right and he's running his own business, which uses Cisco consulting. He's living the American dream. How can you not love him?

I now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.