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I was watching poker on TV way back in 2002, when Robert Varkoni came out of nowhere to win the World Series of Poker -- a full year before poker really popped with the arrival of Chris Moneymaker. I was playing the addictive-as-cocaine puzzle game Sudoku out of the New York Post in the spring, before it became a time-wasting sensation in offices everywhere this summer. And I started blogging waaaaay before everybody else.

But my greatest failing as the cultural canary in the mineshaft: Acne.

You see, I had zits back in the 1990s, when they weren't cool. But that's changed, thanks to the tireless marketing efforts of the good people at ProActiv, and their holy trioka of celebrity endorsers: Vanessa Williams, Sean P. Diddy Combs, and my secret girlfriend Jessica Simpson.

Have you seen them? All in a long-form infomercial and in more traditional minute-long TV spots extolling the virtues of ProActiv and its can't miss formula for clearing up "bumps," as P. Diddy terms them. Combs then adds: "The thing about ProActiv -- it moisturizes my situation, maintains my sexy."

I used ProActiv when I was 17, and I don't remember it doing anything for my sexy. Of course, that may have been due to the fact I played trombone and was captain of the Quiz Bowl team (an impressive 22-6 my senior year).

But imagine if I'd had such star power behind me and my acne. Had P. Diddy been famous back then, I might've been class president, maybe prom king, or maybe dare I even dream it drum major.