"Are you my mother?"

Can anyone tell me what on earth is going on in this advertisement?

I saw it on one of the new sites I see a couple times a day yesterday, but I know I've seen that creepy fellow in ads before for different products.

Is he supposed to be a mom? Is he supposed to motivate me to click? Is it a threat? Maybe an html error of some kind?

I mean, really, he looks so molesterish. I just don't understand what's going on here.

J. Crew, inspired by Kubrick

Is anybody else creeped out by the latest J. Crew ad? I spotted it on The New York Times web site (after a full-screen takeover ad from BMW).

It used to be that J. Crew ads only invoked thoughts of springtime brunches, WASP family reunions, and the miracle of modern American dentistry.

But one look at this new one, and I couldn't help but think of The Shining.

Two superpowers finally unite

In the early days of the blog, I got some mileage out of how much I love The King -- the real-life but somehow cartoonish Burger King spokesmodel.

He's equal parts creepy and intriguing, and for whatever reason I just can't get enough.

That's why I'm happy to share his latest television installment -- an ad featuring Sir Mix-A-Lot of all people for a SpongeBob Squarepants promotion at the fast food chain.

Enjoy.

Too little, too late

Sorry that I've been out of commission a few days, so you've had to wait for my sort-of annual Super Bowl advertising write-up. This year was pretty uninspired, minus the couple of ads for job search web sites.

Three things stood out for me.

• I saw a pair of ads for Nerf swords. That led to a pretty obvious query: Nerf is still around? I can't remember the last time I saw a Nerf product. They should take that ad budget and rededicate it to product development. That plan would also give them a chance to quote from one of my favorite movies: "I had the boys down at R & D throw together this prototype so that our discussion here could have some focus."


• Danica Patrick is still shilling for the web registry firm Go Daddy. These ads have blown for a couple years now. It's over between Danica and me, and she'll soon get a full separate post dedicated to how annoying she's become.


• And speaking of stuff that greatly disappointed me, how about MacGruber. It went from being a clever SNL sketch that poked fun at MacGyver to a vehicle for selling Pepsi. It makes it even worse that the real MacGyver got involved. Shame on you, Richard Dean Anderson.

Danica schills for junk, trunks

When I think luggage, I think of IRL racing. At least I do now, after I noticed racecar driver Danica Patrick does Samsonite ads. She also has deals with Peak antifreeze and helmets made by Bell.

And let's not forget her turn as a spokesmodel for the questionable Internet domain clearinghouse GoDaddy. Fox pulled it from the Super Bowl because it was too risque. (Risque or just stupid? You can decide for yourself.)

I'm not going to jump on the bandwagon that says Patrick won't be a good racer until she wins a race. She finished 7th in points in the Indy Car circuit last year, with a second place finish and two third-places.

But I do wonder why on earth she's picking these products to endorse? Isn't there something classier she can schill for? Somebody get her in touch with Peyton Manning's agent.

Walnuts with your pancake?

A couple of questions sprang to mind almost immediately after seeing Paulie Walnuts late of Sopranos doing ads for Denny's. That is, of course, after my brain got past the initial shock of thinking "Wait. Paulie Walnuts is doing ads for Denny's?!?!?"

It appears actor Tony Sirico has kept his skunk-like hair coloring. I always assumed he dyed it for his role in the Sopranos, but maybe his hair is that way naturally. Otherwise it's hard to imagine why he'd leave it that way.

I guess maybe it make sense that Paulie would eat at Denny's. He was always kind of cheap, and his white pants-white loafers look would fit in there pretty seemlessly.

Are there are endorsement opportunities out there for other former Sopranos? I'd like to see Tony in a Paxil ad -- y'know, the one with the happy rock.

Again a word from our sponsors

It's been more than two years since I noted how commercial actors tend to turn up again and again. I don't think two posts in 25 months is enough to qualify for series status on the NaturalBlog, but that won't keep me from going back to this well.

So for those of you who were busy on December 22, 2005 and missed my posting that day, here's the jist: When I notice a commercial actor shilling for two different products, I like to pretend they're a real person and make up a back story that explains how they ended up in both ads.

You might remember this guy (left) from his Holiday Inn ads. He was the straight man trying to keep his band of traveling businessmen in line. There were a couple of ads where they accosted Joe Buck, which was fine by me. Anyway, he must've had a bad performance review, because he was fired and has recently ended up in Comcast ads pretending to be a newscaster. I've worked with newscasters with less experience, so this seems plausible.

This one came from an alert reader. Applebee's has rebranded itself a couple dozen times since the fella on the right was featured in the Applebee's To Go ads. He was the one who left his food atop his car. What a bonehead, but apparently that sort of behavior wasn't enough for his wife to leave him. She's seen here in this ad from Lowe's. They're trying to buy glueless flooring because their dog is allergic to glue. Lowe's? They should shop at Kohl's, because her hair is a helmet. Here is a link that explains that joke.

If you're a fan of this little game, then you certainly know this guy. He's everywhere. As I mentioned in my last installment, he's done Bud Light, Circuit City, Cisco. He's grown a beard since then, proving that he's willing to adapt to stay on top of his game. A regular Renniasance man, now he's in a pretty funny series of Allstate auto insurance ads. This guy is the king of the commercial actors.

SPECIAL OFFER! If you act now (which is to say if you keep reading), then I'll throw in a bonus advertising repeat: The song in the iPhone ads (Orba Squara's Perfect Timing) is the same one used in new ads for the Dodge Caravan. Listen for it.

Who knew?

I got an e-mail the other day from "Rachel at Geico. I had once joked that the "good people at Geico" read my blog, and this proves it as fact.

She said she'd seen that I'd blogged about the cavemen before, and wanted to be sure I saw their new "masquerade party" adventure at Caveman's Crib. (Screen grab at right.)

On a related note, I caught the Caveman TV show on ABC a few weeks back, and I was shocked by the degree to which it didn't suck. I went in ready to hate it with all my heart, but the writing was great and there were enough small gags to keep it moving. I can't imagine the well of caveman humor is that deep, so tune in soon or not at all.

Hey Chuck? Go back to the drawing board

I've been meaning to blog for some time about these annoying ads from Charles Schwab. I've been seeing them every 15 minutes or so during the baseball playoffs, which is why I'm finally writing about them now.

You may have seen them -- basically it's a person lamenting their current broker, but instead of it being an actual person, it's a strange Dick Tracy-type animated figure doing the complaining.

Apparently the process of turning a real person into a cartoon is known as rotoscoping. You may remember it from the greatest music video ever made, Take on Me. Rotoscoping was great for A Ha, but I just find it creepy in advertising by brokers.

I guess Schwab was trying to stand out from the crowd with these ads, but what's the point in standing out from the crowd in a creepy way? That's the strategy I used in junior high, and it didn't seem to work very well.

If I could talk to Chuck, I'd suggest he stick with that winning formula from a few years ago: Mary Jo Fernandez.

Robert Goulet is back and better than ever, baby

I somehow didn't mention Robert Goulet when he was the star of the funniest Super Bowl ad of the year, nor did I give him the love when he sang at Opening Day at Fenway.

So please forgive my tardiness in calling to your attention just how awesome this guy is.

A new ad campaign tries to build on the success of his Super Bowl ad, in which he messes with your stuff when you run out of energy in the afternoon. The earlier ad suggested Emerald Nuts as a way to keep Goulet at bay, so Goulet is now out with a candy bar to put you to sleep: The Snooze Bar. "One bite will have you counting sheep on enchanted beach off the coast of Thailand," he sonorously intones on the web site touting the fake product.

Something you maybe didn't know about the Emerald Nuts ad: If they didn't get Goulet, they were going to go with Jeff Goldblum. Thank God Goulet is willing to be made fun of.

Lose the weight, but keep your fat head

The new NutriSystem commercials have been around for a while; you'll have to forgive me for taking so many months to make fun of them. Basically, it's your standard before/after weight loss ad, but with athletes-turned-sportscasters as the spokesmodels.

Just look at those blowhards on the right. Among them the've lost 188 pounds -- That's enough for a whole utility infielder!

And not pictured is the fattest ESPN fathead of all, John Kruk. He's easily the star of the ads, thanks to his line "My wife says I'm not as disgusting to her as I used to be." That's an ESPN Classic.

Who are the advertising geniuses who came up with this one

A reader keyed me in to the news that the cavemen from the Geico cavemen ads may get their own TV show on ABC. The network has ordered a pilot, and if it's anywhere near as funny as this website, then ABC may have stumbled onto comic gold.

I hope it doesn't stop there, since I can think of several more cartoon characters I'd like to see in prime time, starting with the woman who does ads for Mercury. Of course, even if she was in a show -- say, Blade on Spike TV, for example -- I probably wouldn't watch.

"They've got pizza stuff in them"

I haven't been this excited about an ad since The Snickers Song.

Please take a gander at these spots for Combos, one of my favorite unhealthy treats.

I won't bore you with a description of the ads, but I will share the tag line: "What your mom would feed you if your mom were a man."

And don't forget to check out the Man-Mom web site, where you can submit your own Man-Mom pics.

One dose of NaturalBlog (iocus medium)

It's been about 10 years since the FDA started letting drug companies advertise on TV, and about half as long since people started spoofing these ads. Some of these spoofs are actually really funny.

I'm not talking about the locally produced ones (The ad for "Exerciza" available at the Dedham Athletic Clubs comes to mind), but rather the new one for the Nissan Versa, a compact car that promises to treat auto claustrophobia.

But better than that are these two jobbers: One that advises against the many dangers of tequila ("Alcohol may cause pregnancy, and is a major factor in getting your ass kicked."), the other that makes fun of those ads with the sad little rock. I laughed so hard at the second one that I had tears in my eyes. At work, no less.

Will L. Lo age gracefully?

You see a lot of ads with pretty, post-menopausal ladies talking about aging gracefully. There's Sally Field telling you how to keep your bones strong, Andie McDowell telling you how to keep your hair from going grey, and Diane Keaton telling you to buy some other old lady product.

This got me thinking...

What will these ads be like in 50 years, when today's budding starlets have aged gracefully.

I'm afraid that in 2056, we'll see Pamela Anderson-Lee-Rock-Hasselhoff-Swayze-Trump schilling for discount tattoo removal, Britney Spears in absinthe ads, and my honey of honeys Lindsay Lohan selling OTC hepatitis-C medication.

Be still my heart.

Ad Watch

Lee Iacocca he ain't. Chrysler is dumping Dr. Z. The chairman of its German parent DaimlerChrysler AG, Dieter Zetsche, will no longer appear in advertising for the struggling U.S. automaker. I guess Chrysler realized too late the American political climate is not such that foreigners are trusted. Also, Germans can be tough to like. A better plan would be to show Jeeps festooned in American flags rolling over French protestors.

So easy a blogger can do it. Geico is back with the fourth installment in its caveman series. This one is nice because instead of hitting you over the head with the joke and dragging you back to the cave, it backs off a bit and lets you slowly realize the joke. And as I always say: Nothing's nicer than a simple understated caveman using a moving sidewalk in an airport.

I keep a close watch on these ads of mine

As a keen observer of television advertising (mainly from not having a TiVo), I never thought Snickers would be able to top its "Pretty pretty dancing" panda ad from about five years ago.

I'm happy to say I was wrong. The new Snickers ad featuring this crazy song (Prancing nougat in the meadow/Sings a song of satisfaction -- see it here) is easily the funniest ad I've seen this year.

It's almost enough to make up for their awful outdoor media campaign, featuring such nonsense as "Satisfacellent!"

He was tasty

If you're keeping a list of the people who read the NaturalBlog, please add the good people at Geico.

No sooner did I say I was hungry for for them to replace the Geico gecko (smarmly little bastard), did they roll out a new set of commercials featuring the type of people the NaturalBlog loves: minor celebrities.

You can now see Burt Bacharach, Little Richard and Charo doing Geico ads, in which they "translate" the words of an even less famous Geico customer. Good stuff. Thanks for reading, Geico.

Man Laws

Miller Lite knows what the NaturalBlog figured out late last year -- when you go to the well of funny that is Burt Reynolds, you don't leave thirsty.

Coincidentally, I suppose, you don't leave thirsty when you're drinking Miller Lite either, as it is the most superior of the "American macrobrews," which is how I now term the category of beers that I used to call "crappy American beers."

Anyway, I wanted to call your attention to Miller's new ad campaign, which features stalwarts of maleness -- including Mr. Burt Reynolds, recently retired running back Jerome Bettis, the pro wrestler known as Triple H -- debating the questions that weigh heavy on the minds of men everywhere.

How long must you wait before dating a friend's ex-girlfriend? If you bring beer to a party, can you take the unconsumed beers home? Do you clink beer tops or bottoms on a toast?

Might I humbly suggest a few additional questions for the "Men of the Square Table" to ponder:

• When is each of the following appropriate with another guy: handshake, handshake with half hug, full hug?
• Is it okay to have a cat?
• At what age are Your Mom jokes no longer advisable?
• How do we feel about Kelly Clarkson?

I am weary of you, Geico gecko

I used to think the Geico gecko was a clever way to sell insurance, but I'm afraid those days are done. I've grow tired of him, and now I'd like to grill him up with some garlic and fiddleheads. Harsh, I know, but it's how I feel.