This qualifies as news

Here's a check on your Friday morning headlines.

King of Pop's BMI a healthy 20.1. Michael Jackson's autopsy is out and the headline is that he's in good health. I don't know if I believe it, because that assessment comes from the same people who say 136 pounds on his 5'9" frame is just fine. The autopsy also noted he was balding.

Splendid Splinter splintered. The greatest hitter who ever lived, Ted Williams, is said to not be resting in peace. You may remember that Williams' head is cryogenically frozen in Arizona. A new book says someone took batting practice with it, sending "tiny pieces of frozen head" flying. Williams is the last player to 1) hit above .400 for a season and 2) have his head cryogenically frozen.

What the.... ?. The Wisconsin Tourism Federation has changed its name because its initials were WTF. It is now the Tourism Federation of Wisconsin. What do you expect from a place that has a "Recombobulation area in an airport.