None of these stories is an April Fool's Joke

This is how valuable first-responder dollars are best spent. A vicious six-toed cat is terrorizing a Connecticut neighborhood, to the point that officials have filed a feline restraining order and arrested the cat's owner, who says the beast is acting in self-defense.

I can only imagine how many quarters it took to get him out. This little booger, 3, climbed into one of those machines where you use a claw to get a toy. I love those things. I'll know I've made it when I have one for the house.

Strippers win maternity leave. "Dancers" in Australia have unionized, and won rights to breaks and overtime. The trouble here is the seniority system they've signed us up for -- the oldest dancers now get dibs.