Jobs I Wouldn't Mind, Vol. I

In the first installment of what will likely be a many-part series, I present "Jobs I Wouldn't Mind," Vol. I.

First up: Re-enactor.

The acting business seems like a tough one to break in to, Keanu Reeves notwithstanding. So I'd like to enter this ultra-competitive field through its soft underbelly, as a person who gets paid not to act, but to re-enact events that happened to somebody else. Like that guy who looked like Michael Jackson and re-enacted his trial on cable every night.

I wouldn't go for that though, since Matthew Broderick isn't on trial. Instead, I'd go with a show like Unsolved Mysteries or some other show on Lifetime. As Robert Stack intones about a missing person's last few moments, you'd see me -- perhaps through a fuzzy camera lens -- acting out what that person might have gone through.

Yes, I'd sometimes have to play a creep, but I'm willing to make that sacrifice for my art.

Perhaps once I establish myself in the field, I could spread my wings and don the Confederate gray in re-enactments of the War of Northern Aggression.