State Police Bomb Squad: 1, Aqua Teen Hunger Force: 0

Boston was under seige for about six hours yesterday, thanks to a cartoon figure who gave us the finger.

The character is a "mooninite" from the animated show Aqua Teen Hunger Force. As a promotion, marketers hung electronic boards that displayed him in 10 cities around the U.S.

New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, Atlanta, Seattle, Portland, Austin, San Francisco, and Philadelphia all managed to weather this vicious terror attack without closing roads and bridges and stopping public transportation.

But not so in the cradle of liberty. For goodness sakes -- don't those other cities realize their very way of life is under attack? Do I need to remind them that the world changed on September 11th? Thank God our state police, local police, the bomb squad and the FBI ran around all morning and afternoon yesterday to diffuse the greatest threat to hit the city since the great molasses flood of 1919.

And what did this threat look like?


But fear not. Two hooligans are under arrest for their devious and dubious role in this guerilla marketing campaign. To paraphrase from Pee Wee's Big Adventure, "I say we scalp 'em, then we tattoo 'em, then we hang 'em, and then we kill 'em."

Forget that these electronic boards had been up for two weeks. We must defend the homeland!

I understand Elmo is coming to town for Sesame Street on Ice. Governor Deval Patrick, you must mobilize the National Guard immediately to protect us from further threats from fictional cartoon characters. Don't wait! Too much is at stake.