Candygram

Just in time for Discovery's Shark Week, we learn this week that man-about-town and early frontrunner for Douchebag of the Decade Ryan Seacrest was attacked by a shark in Mexico Sunday.

The New York Post's Page Six says Seacrest "had no time to be scared. He saw it swim away, he got out, took aspirin and called it a day."

On his radio show yesterday, Seacrest said the shark's tooth was like a splinter.

That's the last time I hire a reef shark for a hit. From here on out it's great whites and great whites only.