You can't make this stuff up

I've scoured the news wires to bring you these three stories, which I deem to be today's most important.

Bill Clinton wants to rock your world. Speaking to an audience in Las Vegas, former president Bill Clinton said America would "rock the world" if it could make just one state energy independent. Clinton later added that by "the" he meant "your" and by "just one state energy independent" he meant "sweet love to that dancer over there." I can't believe we passed on a chance to make this guy the First Gentleman.

He glitters, alright. You might know Gary Glitter as the guy who gave us this college basketball anthem. You may not know that the 64-year-old British singer just got out of a Vietnamese prison where he was locked up for molesting children. But don't look for him at a JV game anytime soon -- he left Vietnam for Thailand, but has been refused entry to Hong Kong and England.

No, I'm a yacht. A baby whale mistook a yacht for its mom, and tried to nurse from it in the waters near Sydney, Australia. It's unclear what happened to the mom, but Nancy Grace thinks she went to a sexy party. Unfortunately, there's no way to feed a 15-foot whale baby by hand, so the story will not have a happy ending.