Sad Brady

Sad Brady made a rare appearance yesterday when the Patriots were just mauled by the Ravens, 33-14 at home. Brady had four turnovers.

I think I may have a theory on why he was off this year -- he's apparently been moonlighting as a quality control officer for All-Clad. Take a look at this card enclosed when our new saucier arrived.

Whither Welker?

Wes Welker cried on the New England Patriots bench yesterday, not because they were losing yet another road game, but because of an injury to his left knee. It's said to be an MCL and ACL tear (same as Tom Brady last year).

Bad news for the Pats playoff hopes. I've always had a soft spot for Wes, not because of this, but because of his 2007 fantasy football season and of course the fact that we're pretty much the same height.

Smell ya later

Now that free agent outfielder Jason Bay has signed with the Mets, I can say that I saw both his first game with the Red Sox, as well as his last. Sure, he was only around a year-and-a-half, but that's still bragable.

I have to say that his first appearance was certainly better -- he scored both runs in a 2-1, 12-inning win over the Athletics. His final game, was the unfortunate meltdown in ALDS game three against the Angels back in October.

Regardless of how it ended, I will miss his home run swing.

Klassic Klempson

Though this typo is more the fault of the tattooist than the tattooee, I still do enjoy making fun of Clemson.

Good seats still remain

What are you up to on Friday? Nothing? Then you should head out to Springfield, Mass., for what's being billed as a "much-anticipated boxing event."

In one corner, you've got Jose Canseco, ready to "silence one of his critics -— the hard way," according to the promotional e-mail Mrs. N-B received. He'll box Todd Poulton of Pittsfield, Mass.

And if that isn't enough, you've got Rodney King stepping into the squared circle to fight Marty Feldman, who's touted as a "Pennsylvania boxing legend." I guess King has given up on just trying to get along.

If these guys pass for the big draw, imagine the quality of celebrity on the undercard.

What's old is new again

I'm pleased it's an all East Coast World Series, not because the Yankees are in it, but just because it means the games will get underway before 10 p.m. Of course, they won't end until 1 a.m., but beggars can't be choosers.

The opening game is tonight, but my eyes are closely trained on game two, when Pedro Martinez will face the Yankees. The last time Pedro pitched against New York in the post-season, it was game seven of the 2004 ALCS and he came in for a side-session/mop-up duty in the 7th. He gave up two runs and ignited the Yankee crowd (fortunately it was too late for a comeback).

What will this time hold? I have no idea, and that's why I can't wait to watch.

My favorite time of year

I was excited to catch the end of the Twins-Tigers tilt last night on TBS, not because of its extra inning thrills, but because of Craig Sager. I just love that guy, and here's why. Just look at him.

He also predicts a 4-0 start for my fantasy football team

I guess this is what it takes to make Mariners baseball interesting.

Mariners broadcaster Mike Blowers was asked who he thought the player of the game would be in a game against the Blue Jays a few days back. He picked Matt Tuiasosopo, predicting he'd hit his first career homer in his second at bat, on a fastball, on a 3-1 count.

Turns out, Tuiasosopo hit a homer, in his second at bat, on a fastball, on a 3-1 count. Click over here to listen to the prediction and hilarious game call.

Detractors call it "Klempson"

I want to share this video for two important reasons. First, it makes fun of Clemson, one of my least favorite colleges in the history of colleges. Second, it answers the question of what sportscasters talk about in commercial breaks.

The video begins with off-air banter making fun of a Clemson fan distraught by a loss. Halfway through is what actually aired. Watch is soon, before ESPN lawyers force it off YouTube.

He'd do anything for a vote

So what if the lines on this weekend's games approach the triple digits. I'm just happy to have Saturday football back tomorrow. To get in the spirit, let's celebrate like the newly senior U.S. Senator from Massachusetts John Kerry.

Give a cheer for the orange and blue

You know it's time for college football when GQ weighs in on the subject.

The men's magazine devotes some time this month to a pair of Gators -- current Florida QB Tim Tebow and former Florida "Dazzler" Erin Andrews.

Naturally, the Erin Andrews "article" is really a vehicle for pictures of her in a football uniform. They were taken some four months ago, long before she illicitly videotaped in a hotel room.

The Tebow piece is plenty fawning, too, but mainly in words. "He smells strongly of deodorant, and his thick-lashed eyes are impressively serene..." Despite lines like that one, it does a nice job parsing his on- and off-the-field religions. Give it a read, but only if you're ready to learn that Tebow is "all thick polygons and smooth flat planes and inescapable corn-fed handsomeness."

Eagles!

The New England Patriots topped the Philadelphia Eagles in preseason football last night, but the real story was elsewhere.

The Eagles signed Michael Vick, fresh off a jail sentence for dog fighting. to be their backup QB. Oft-embattled starter Donovan F. McNabb responded by joining PETA.

Oh noze!

Big Papi, no!

Some New York rag, no doubt still smarting from the hurt the Red Sox put on the Yankees in the 2004 ALCS, says David Ortiz and Manny Ramirez are on the 2003 list of players who took performance enhancing drugs.

Most important, I think, is the byline on the story, which broke yesterday:


No doubt that former Phillie Mike Schmidt is angry that dopers are closing in on his hard-earned records from baseball's clean era.

Is there anything this guy can't do?

Master of all entertainment Justin Timberlake wants to write a book about golf. The New York Observer says JT would recount "of stories of rounds he has played and people he has played with."

Apparently the guy's handicap is just six, which is equal parts bragable and maddening. He's already got so much going for him, why does he have to be good at golf, too?

Say what you will about his supermegastardom in music. I say his true medium is Saturday Night Live.

And to think I thought women's tennis was dead

I am in love with the shirt Serena Williams won after winning Wimbledon this weekend.


That is all.

WTF is up with women's tennis?

I'm a fan of the big tennis tournaments, especially the French Open and Wimbledon because they play their matches before my bedtime.

But there's something troubling going on in women's tennis these days, and I'm not talking about grunt-gate. Let's start at the top. First, we learn that women get matches on Wimbledon's Centre Court based on looks not seeds; or, as The Daily Mail puts it, "Babe, set and match."

So womanliness is a plus, except when it's not -- as was the case when former world No. 1 Jelena Jankovic lost to an unknown American teenager. Jankovic said afterward that her game was off because of "woman problems," as she put it. "It’s not easy being a woman, you know sometimes," she told the Reuters news agency.

Womanliness is also a minus if you're 17-year-old Simona Halep of Romania, who will have her 34DD breasts reduced this fall to improve her game. ""It's the weight that troubles me," she said. "My ability to react quickly." The good news is, if tennis doesn't work out, she's the perfect spokesmodel for the Kush.

LaRussa, of course, is an Esquire

The Wall Street Journal's sports department crunched some numbers last week to answer the age old question: Which baseball team is the brightest?

Using a formula that gave points based on the number of players who attended college and the number who graduated, the Journal determined the A's are the smartest team, followed by a three-way tie among the Rays, D-Backs, and Red Sox.

Here's the full list.


The Journal also found that just 26 major league managers or players had graduated from college. That finding aside, I think the most surprising thing here is that the Wall Street Journal has a sports writer.

Tats!

Another reason that I'm looking forward to football season: The antics of wide receiver Ocho Cinco, formerly known as Chad Johnson.

This combustible Bengal is not the kind of guy I should like, but for some reason I do. The latest reason being these face tattoos, which may or may not be from a Cracker Jack box.


The one one the right is supposed to be the state of Florida, but I thought it was a firearm at first. I guess it's better to keep your gun on your face than in your sweatpants.

Sure seems like a sport to me

A long time ago, New York City's Times Square used to allow cars. And back in that ancient time, NASCAR driver Brian Vickers and the pit crew for his No. 83 car put on this show:


Two notes here. First, that car had headlights, meaning it wasn't the actual one that they race. And second, a 20-second pit stop would easily lose Vickers 10 spots in a race.

So good, so good, so good

There was a recent time that it would not be noteworthy for David Ortiz to hit a home run. But given his slowing batspeed and paltry production, an Ortiz homer is now something to celebrate.

That it came against the Yankees at Fenway last night is just gravy.

Don't look now, but Ortiz in the last week is batting .316 with 6 RBI and just 4 Ks. Must be the hot sauce.