I sing the body electric

I'm having a static electricity problem. In my office at work, I generate a charge ever time I even come near something metallic -- printer, door frame, ancient electronic equipment.

I would estimate the power of my electric charges at 1.21 gigawatts, give or take one lightning bolt.

How bad is it? I'll tell you. There's a machine that looks like this in my office:


I shocked it so bad that it actually registered an error message on its antique display. Such is my power. Beware.