Drunken News Roundup

The headline refers to the content of the news roundup, not the state of the author.

Bad Idea No. 1. A repeat drunk driver faces a 10-year license suspension after crashing his Ford Ranger pickup in Waltham, Mass. He crashed it into the Waltham Police Department. During roll call.

Bad Idea No. 2. A man from Lowell, Mass., is charged with drunk driving after being pulled over for doing 100 mph on Route 110 in Methuen, just 10 mph shy of that golden moment when your speed matches your highway. He was so drunk during the arrest that he thought he was in a cab, not the back of a police cruiser. "Turn around and take me to Lowell," he shouted at the arresting officer. He "seemed to believe he was in a taxi, not a police car," the officer wrote.

Bad Idea No. 3. This doesn't deal with drinking, but it's so gross it may drive you to drink. A Kansas woman had such a phobia of leaving the bathroom that she stayed there for two years. She sat on the toilet so long her skin fused to it. Her live-in boyfriend might face charges.