It's time to make fun of Eliot Spitzer

Don't you wish you could go back to a time before you'd ever thought about Eliot Spitzer having sex? Yeah, me too. Monday feels like so long ago. But we're here, so we might as well enjoy it.

If you haven't heard, here's the primer: Crusading crime-fighter-cum-governor of New York Eliot Spitzer might end up a felon for ALLEGEDLY transporting a hooker across state lines for a tryst in Washington, D.C., in February. It's described as a high-priced prostitution ring (y'know, $5,000 an hour), but he made her take the train, so it can't be that fancy.

No wonder they're saying his political career is over. Someone who outsources outside his marriage could never be elected president.

It all happened right before Valentine's day -- is that a hooker's busy season?

Apparently Spitzer got a discount that night because he had a credit with the agency. How do you get a credit with a whorehouse? Did he complain about the service? "Well, Client 9, we can't take back the product, but we can give you a store credit for next time."

The call girl ring he used ranked its girls on a scale of three to seven diamonds. I wonder how. Evaluations, like they do in college classes? Performance reviews? Maybe they keep it simple and just go with cup size.

There are a few reports out there this morning saying Spitzer spent $80,000 on hookers over the years. Sounds like a lot, but that's only 16 hours at $5,000 an hour. And if it was spread out over, say, six years, you're only talking two or three hours a year. So, you know, 100 or so trysts.