Holi-don'ts

I'm something of a party juggernaut this time of year. In the last week, people have seen me and Mrs. N-B at my work party, parties thrown by the mayor, the governor, the left-wing media, and even an environmental group. From this experience, I've culled some holiday party do's and dont's.

• Drink early, drink often. On the night of my ill-fated 2002 work holiday party, back when I was a hack, I managed to avoid being made fun of the next Monday at work by being so inebriated I had to leave at 8:30 p.m. This left another 2+ hours for people to do things more embarrassing than my dance with my boss. Someone complied by dancing on a table, falling off, and bruising her coccyx.


• Don't force the small talk. I learned this in 2001. Getting a little facetime with Acting Governor Jane Swift, I nearly made a joke that would have inadvertently referenced the time she used a State Police helicopter to fly home for Thanksgiving. I stopped myself at the last minute, when the Checkpoint Charlie in my head realized I was about to not only put my foot in my mouth but swallow it whole. Score.


• Have cash. Another 2002 tidbit. If you're too drunk to figure out an ATM, you'll never manage to pay your cabbie. Tough lesson.