News Roundup: You can't make this stuff up

A simple "No" might've sufficed. Vitaly Kovtun, 22, faces aggravated felony assault charges in Salt Lake County, Utah over a kind of road rage incident. It went like this.

Driver 1: "Excuse me, sir, do you have any Grey Poupon?"

Kovtun: (Pulls gun out of glove box, cocks it.) "Here's your Grey Poupon, roll your redacted windows up."

I've been unwittingly contributing to that scientific journal for about ten years now. Researchers in France say the louder the music in a club, the more patrons will drink. The working theory is the louder it is, the harder it is to talk in a bar, and faster people sip their beers. The research appeared in the Alcoholism: Clinical & Experimental Research.

No word on whether Juan Carlos will hug it out. The stranger-than-fiction world that follows Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez took another absurd step forward when he promised to give Spanish King Juan Carlos I a hug. It's noteworthy because Juan Carlos notably exclaimed to Chavez last November, "Why don't you shut up?" Chavez's long-delayed response came on his weekly TV show, "I'd like to give the King a hug but you know, Juan Carlos, that I am not going to shut up."