Say it ain't so, Hoff

You may have seen a drunk David Hasselhoff wolfing down some food on a video that's circulating on the Internet. I come not to bury the Hoff, but to support him. But for the grace of God there go I, which is to say I'm glad nobody had a video camera at our annual Kentucky Derby party this weekend.

A lot of people say, "Hey, N-B, what's the secret to a good Kentucky Derby party?"

The answer? This much booze:

Celebrities -- They're just like us

Sometimes they have a miscommunication with their stylist.


Sometimes they forget to wear pants.


Sometimes they dress in drag and pose next to slightly smaller-than-life cardboard cut-outs of themselves.

Time Magazine Totally Cops Out

You probably heard that Time Magazine has selected this year's person of the year and that person is me. Well, me and you. Or just you. And everybody else. The magazine selected "You" as the person of the year. Something about the way you control the information age, I guess.

So it appears Stephen Colbert got his wish, kind of anyway. He has as much a claim to the award as you.

I think it's pretty clear Time couldn't decide, so just figured they'd punt this year.

Of course it's easy to complain when you don't have to pick one yourself. I've narrowed my list to three. I proudly present the NaturalBlog Person of the Year finalists:

Suri Cruise. This year's most awaited arrival.

Lindsay Lohan. Rehab at 20. Fifteen days sober!

The Hoff. He's soared to great heights and sunk to great lows this year. How could he not be a finalist?

Hard to argue with those finalists, but somehow I feel shallow for not offering a more substantive choice. In fact, the more I think about it, the more clear it is who the winner should be.


I mean, think about it, in the last year George Clooney won an Oscar, was People's sexiest man, and even had some time to help out the U.N. in Darfur. Plus, he did all these things with great hair. I'm kind of disappointed Time didn't give him his due.

Observed

Taken individually, each of these ideas was not strong enough to merit its own posting. But together, they are a clever troika of observational wit.

Next up: rehab.The NaturalBlog is officially putting the over/under on the start of David Hasselhoff's rehab stint at August 14th. It can only seem that we're nearing the endzone, now that he's too drunk to fly. Don't believe me: Witness it for yourself.

Baseball in hell. I think I got a little preview the other night of what it would be like to watch baseball in hell: The same game on different channels, each with a ridiculously bad broadcast team. It was a Cardinals-Cubs game. On WGN, which is bearable if the sound is down, we had Len Kasper and Bob Brenly, replacements because the old guys weren't big enough homers. Over on ESPN, it was two of my least favorite broadcasters anywhere, ESPN's A-Team of Chris Berman and Joe Morgan. The only thing that could possibly make this any worse would be if Rick Sutcliffe were hanging out in my living room, making inane comments with that false over-sincerity that makes me wanna barf.

New depths for the Garden State. I read that New Jersey is taking old subway cars and submerging them off the shore, to give fish and divers something to do. How very Jersey.

Tough times for the Hoff

Inexplicably cool actor-singer-drinker (a real triple threat, just like my honey) David Hasselhoff has had it tough of late. Fresh off a bizarre shaving injury, he was apparently too drunk to waltz his way into Wimbledon.

Don't worry, Hoff, NaturalBlog still loves you, even though you're hosting "America's Got Talent," which I think is a sad sad irony.

Why is this man smiling?

Drunk driving, divorce, restraining orders? No problem, if you're the Big H.

Important Hasselhoff Update

And the legend grows.

People I Like Inexplicably, Vol. IV

Two words, people: Hasselhoff.

My inexplicable like of David Hasselhoff goes back to the Knight Rider days, which were so good they allowed me to like him even after Baywatch and his wacky European invasion.

His legend only grew when I saw this, from his rendition of "Hooked on a Feeling."