Well, this is it

Based on the number of text messages I got last night, the people who read (past tense) this blog expect and demand a picture of Peyton Manning being sad today.

So here you go:


And that's it. The NaturalBlog has been limping along for more than a year now, and this will be its final post.

But fear not. You can still get your daily dose of me, Dave Shaw, by following me on Twitter. It's a new experiment -- can I be funny in 140 characters or less? Find out. Click the link.

... and we're back!

Some of you may have thought this blog was dead. Well I'm here to tell you that reports of our demise were greatly exaggerated. And just why were we exhumed from the dead? There is one answer, in the form of two words.

Sad Peyton.

Behold it:



Hooray for pulling the starters with homefield advantage locked up! Hooray for Sad Peyton! And go Pats!

Sad Naturalblog

I was prepared to post a Sad Peyton (or Sad Tom) picture this morning, after the much-hyped matchup of the two great QBs last night in Indianapolis. But I'm calling an audible and going with a Sad Bill.


I don't think I'll ever understand why he would go for it on fourth and two from his own 28. Enjoy your undefeated season, Colts.

All is right

Sure, Tom Brady is lame, Matt Cassel is golfing and the man behind the curtain Scott Pioli might be bound for out-of-town. But times are good for Pats fans, on account of the Colts first-round exit from the playoffs.

The Indy defense just couldn't find a way to stop Darren Sproles (5"6', 181 lbs., 105yds rushing, 2 TDs), and the Chargers bounced the Colts 23-17 in overtime.

So even though it wasn't Peyton Manning's fault, I'm still going to pile on and post my (almost) annual January photo. The NaturalBlog proudly presents Sad Peyton.

I'm turning this blog into a one trick Colt

Since Bill Belichick brought his cheating heart to New England in 2000, the Patriots and Dolphins have met 17 times. And in that span the Pats are a paltry 9-8 against the Phins.

Which is why I was unsurprised (well, maybe not totally unsurprised) at yesterday's 38-13 drubbing in Foxboro. Some people might try to pin this loss on quarterback Matt Cassel (19 of 31 for 131 yards, TD, INT, fumble), but you can't blame him for the defense's complete inability to stop Ronnie Brown (4 rushing TDs and one passing).

The silver lining is that even at 2-1, the Pats are still a game better than the Colts. Cue the Sad Peyton, even if yesterday's loss wasn't really his fault.

Sad Tom, Sad N-B, Sad Peyton

The New England Patriots are undefeated in the Matt Cassel era, which is a glass-is-half-full way of looking at Tom Brady's left knee injury that might mean the end of his season.

It might be better termed a glass-is-half-fool way of thinking about it, given Cassel's downright dreadful performance this preseason. So bring on the woe:

What will we do without Tom Terrific under center? While he's convalescing with Gisele, will our Patriots sink to -- gulp -- 10-6? 8-8? Will the Jets make the playoffs? Woe is me! Nothing can possibly snap me out of this funk.

Oh wait, maybe one thing.


Bears 29, Colts 13.

Sad Peyton Redux

If there's one thing I love, it's writing about Sad Peyton. But judging by yesterday's comments, my occasional series chronicling Peyton Manning's losses touches a nerve among some readers who think I'm being unfair because I don't criticize Tom Brady.

To be honest, there are a lot fewer opportunities to post "Sam Tom" pictures, since he's only lost twice in the postseason in his career, compared to Peyton's seven. (Perspective: Remember you can only lose in the postseason once a year.) As for making fun of Peyton's ads, there's nothing I can do because those jokes write themselves.

But if you think I haven't made fun of Tom Brady, well then you just haven't been paying close enough attention.

I've made jokes about Brady's ads (Feb. 9, 2006), Brady's lack of protection in the pocket (Feb. 18, 2007), Brady's wardrobe (May 3, 2007), and even Brady's physique (Jan. 3, 2008).

I've posted pictures of him holding a goat not once but twice. And once I even called his first Super Bowl run a fluke.

There are my bona fides. Here is my Sad Peyton panoply:

Don't hate the player...

The (Stay Classy) San Diego Chargers have beaten the Indianapolis Colts three straight times now, giving me a plethora of Sad Peytons. Here's a nice one from yesterday's playoff loss:


Of course, my happiness over Sad Peyton was tinged by my sadness over Happy Eli, who somehow someway not only covered the spread but actually beat the Cowboys in Dallas.

For those of you out there who don't delight in Manning failure as much as I do, I challenge you to witness their latest ad campaign and still root for them. No reasonable person can visit that web site and not wish them to lose.

Sad... Eli?

Thanks to the Patriots' 38-35 win over the Giants and on the suggestion of a reader who was there when it all began, I'm proud to present my first ever "Sad Eli."


Sure, it lacks that understated beauty of a Sad Peyton. Especially since Eli had four TDs last night.

Here's a special Patriots Perfection bonus: A football separated at birth. Randy's Moss's hands and a starfish.

Everything is right again in this topsy-turvy world

Thanks to a pair of fourth-quarter touchdown passes from quarterback Tom Brady, the New England Patriots managed to beat the Colts for the first time in their last four tries.

The march to 19-0 is still on, but more importantly my good friend Sad Peyton is back after a long layoff.

No Sleep 'til Denver

A Red Sox pennant win feels pretty good. If we could throw in a Sad Peyton tonight aginst the Jaguars, I might be as close to sports Nirvana as ever.

Don't hate the player. Hate the game

Q. Why do I hate Peyton Manning so much? I don't even know him. And hate is so self-defeating.

A. I always root for the underdog. And he's just so good. Rooting for him is like rooting for a foregone conclusion. There's no fun in it.

Q. But wasn't he the underdog until last night, when he won the Super Bowl, because he'd always struggled in the playoffs?

A. Yeah I guess so. Maybe I root against him because he's the perfect foil to Tom Brady and the Patriots. There's something nice about having your team's rival be the best quarterback of his generation.

Q. But now he's the winner and Tom's the loser. Does that mean you root against Tom next season?

A. Don't be silly. One win does not a hero make. It's all so flukish anyway. Brady was one tuck rule away from not winning that first Super Bowl, not being Mr. Clutch.

Q. Is there a bright side?

A. Maybe we can stop talking about Peyton Manning now. And if sportscasters and columnists stop talking about him, maybe I can stop rooting against him.

Q. That's the bright side?

A. Well, I did win my squares game last night, so I got that going for me.

What soothes the sting of a Pats playoff loss?

Schadenfreude.

Monday Roundup

A couple quick ones for you this morning.

I would have preferred the panda. Time Magazine announced its Persons of the Year: Bill and Melinda Gates and Bono. See picture at right -- so much for the Gates's promise never to let U2 come between them.

Their first choice. Nomar Garciaparra signed an incentive-laden deal worth a reported $6-$8 million with the Los Angeles Dodgers. He'll play first base, which he's never played before but which should hide his diminishing range as a fielder. I jokingly called the Dodgers "Red Sox West" the other day, but with one or two more signings, the Dodgers will have more members of the 2004 World Series team on their '06 roster than the Sox.

That cheering sound is coming from Miami. Thank you to the San Diego Chargers for ensuring I won't have to issue a public apology to the Colts, their fans, and the entire state of Indiana. And thanks for giving me back that guy I had missed so much, Sad Peyton:

Why the Colts shan't go undefeated

Take it from a guy who's .300 in picking games against the spread this year -- The 10-0 Colts will lose before the NFL regular season is out. I know, I know, it's blasphemy to speak against Colts QB and football messiah Peyton Manning, but I will spell out my argument in three simple points, so easy even Mike Vanderjagt could understand.

1. Consistency. The Colts have six games left in the season. That's 360 minutes of football. To go undefeated, they'll need to play with focus and discipline for at least 300 of those minutes, probably more like 330 or 340, since just one bad quarter is enough to doom a team on any given Sunday. Can they do that? Maybe. (They've only had one major breakdown this year, when the Rams went nuts on them in the first quarter of a Monday Night game. They came back to win that one after Rams QB Marc Bulger was injured.) I take the under on 360 minutes of focus for the rest of the season.

2. Schedule. After fattening up for two months on creampuffs, bon-bons, and maybe even one prep team (if I remember right), Indianapolis is now facing teams with winning records. Before the year is out, the Colts will play Pittsburgh, at Jacksonville, San Diego, and at Seattle. These are quality teams, playoff teams, the types of teams Indy did not face in September and October.

3. They're just too good. The Colts lead their division by two games right now, and lead by two games (in the loss column) in the race for homefield advantage throughout the playoffs. The Colts are so good this season, they might have both the division and homefield locked up by week 15, almost certainly by week 16. That gives coach Tony Dungy the ability to rest his banged up starters, and it gives Colts opponents the ability to take advantage of Indy's second string late in the season. That's why if the Colts haven't lost by week 16 at Seattle, I predict the Seahawks will beat them.

And when I am right, we'll get to see what I've been missing all year: Sad Peyton.